I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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