i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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