Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
