I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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