He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
