Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
