Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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