i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
4 words: hood of his car
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
