you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
