he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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