1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
