Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
