this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
