you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
