Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
