I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
