Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
