I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
