Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
