I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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