He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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