No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
