its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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