Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
