i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
