i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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