I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
