You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
