At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize