All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
