South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
