I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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