Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
