Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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