do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
