should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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