don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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