Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
