Kiss
Puke
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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