I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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