Having a random hookup so left but love u
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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