So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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