Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
