i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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