May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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