I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
