Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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