Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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