you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
