I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
