look no pants
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
