You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
