I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
