It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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