Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
