I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
