the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
