I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
