He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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