david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
