what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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