she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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