It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
