Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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