Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
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We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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