I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
