my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
