i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just threw up on my dentist
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
