what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
