Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Fuck appropriateness.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
