3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
