I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
