well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
